50 reasons not to buy an iPhone

The much-anticipated Apple iphone goes on sale in the UK on November 9. No doubt there will be hordes of Apple fans queuing outside Carphone Warehouse and outlets of O2 mobile – the smug operator which secured the contract to become the only supplier in Britain.

But does the new phone deliver or is it all just a load of hype? And will it retain its gloss for the duration of an expensive 18-month contract. Frankly, I don’t think so, but here are 50 other things you should consider before parting with your cash:

1. The handset is expensive. It’s even got Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, chuckling over it like an over excited schoolboy. Unlike some of the other top phones out there, you can’t get the iPhone for free even if you pay the top tariff price of £55 a month. You have to pay an up-front fee of £269. Over 18-months, that adds up to a whopping £1,259.

2. Compare these prices with say T-mobile’s Flext 35 Web n Walk max tariff. For £32.50 a month, you get 450 free calls and 900 texts a month as well as “unlimited” internet surfing. You also get the feature rich Nokia N95 handset for free – costing you a total of £610.98 over 18 months. Don’t just take my word for it. Check out the analysis here by the technology website Cnet.

3. If you’re still determined to get an iPhone, you could of course try innovative ways to raise the money like begging on the street like this guy.

4. But once you have the money, you may end up having to queue like this.

5. When you do get it, you may find the phone's specification to be worse than the phone you replaced it with. Instead of allowing customers to use the latest mobile internet infrastructure which traditional operators have paid billions to establish, the Apple iPhone uses a slow mobile data service called EDGE. The phone works on a 2.5-generation network rather than the current 3.5-generation, making it at least four times slower than your current handset. Perhaps they don’t want the iPhone to be too perfect in case it becomes a religious cult and displaces traditional religious figures.

6. Apple would argue that it does offer free wi-fi internet access in over 7,500 hotspots around Britain, but if you live outside of urban centres, this isn’t going to be any good for you. Rob Mead of Tech.co.uk, says that Edge has only 30 per cent coverage in the UK.

7. The battery life is a bit rubbish part 1. One of the reasons Apple gives for the slower internet speed is to increase the battery life. But if the American experience is anything to go by, most handsets conk out after five hours of talk time, so be prepared to carry around a charger with you. There are however some tips on making your iPhone last.

8. The battery life is a bit rubbish part 2. When the iPhone’s battery dies, you have to send it back to Apple to get a new one (for a fee). It will be the only mainstream phone in Britain to not allow you to change batteries yourself. Here’s a consumer alert posted on YouTube about the issue.

9. The battery life is a bit rubbish part 3. Sending your iPod away for a few days is bad enough, as most of us can probably manage without music for a short time. Being without a mobile for days (or weeks) could be more of a problem. Luckily there are some techies out there who are happy to show you how to replace the iPhone battery yourself.

10. Many will see 3.5 inch display as the crowning glory of the iPhone – the interface oozes quality – but despite what Apple disparagingly called "small plastic keyboards" on other mobiles, they're far more likely to work reliably than a touch-screen. Some have decided the iPhone is not designed for women or for those who’ve grown up texting using their thumbs. Business users are also going to be disappointed as emails may not be so easily typed out.

11. Talking about texting, you may want to consider how big your hands are. If you've got small hands, your iPhone will look really big and we can’t have that can we?

12. But you have to give it to Apple for creating a seemingly scratchproof display. If you’re brave enough, try bashing it around.

13. The rather pathetic two megapixel camera is a disappointment. Phones such as the Nokia N95 already boast five megapixel cameras so a comparison, might leave iPhone customers wondering what they’ve spent their money on.

14. OK, camera phones are never going to beat a digital SLR, but most “standard” handsets now have at least three megapixel cameraphones as this guy Reiter explains in his blog.

15. The Bluetooth service is limited. Though the iPhone comes with the latest version of Bluetooth it can currently only connect with Apple headsets. This means you cannot easily transfer files, music or pictures that you may have on your PC. However, the iPhone headphones do double up as crack pipes which could be useful to some out there. I’m sure this is a temporary glitch, and Apple will sort it out – but having paid out over £250 quid, you don’t want to be dealing with a glitch.

16. Only 8GB storage: Ok, ok, it's the biggest storage capacity of any phone on the market, probably, but 8GB (about 2,000 songs) is still pretty limited when you compare it to the likes of the ipod which can boast 40GB or more. There are also rumours that before the end of the year, Nokia and other handset manufactures will increase the storage capacity of some of their top handsets anyway.

17. The launch of Vodafone’s MusicStation earlier this month is a direct challenge to itunes. It probably has only a fraction of the number of songs as itunes, but at least it’s an alternative.

18. Windows mobile users are used to downloading and installing the applications they want to add, just as with a “real computer.” Not so with the iPhone. Apple probably did this so its operating system is more stable, but people who shell out this much money for a phone expect it to be a fully-fledged hand-held computer too. Luckily, there are ways to pimp out your iPhone with Apple approved software.

19. You’re stuck with 02. Not that I have anything against the Spanish owned firm, but I would have appreciated some choice. Mind you, the Sunday Times In Gear team managed to download software from the internet allowing them to “unlock” the phone so it could be used on other networks such as Vodafone, and if they can do it….

20. Not that I encourage anyone to go down this route, but here’s an online guide anyway.

21. Apple will probably block you from doing this, and moves have already been made to bar potential hackers.

22. Also, if you do unlock the phone, your warranty will be void, and apple might be able to lock your hacked handset with future updates.

23. If you’d rather not hack into it, there are phones that can rival Apple’s latest offering. This review on Tech.co.uk provides some alternatives to the iPhone. Here is a straight comparison between the iPhone and the Nokia N95, which is perhaps the main alternative.

24. There are of course many innovative ways to use the iPhone, although I’m not sure if your manufacturer’s guarantee would cover you for any of these uses.

25. Other ideas seem more impressive and may actually work.

26. Fears that fraudsters are trying to target iPhone enthusiasts with fakes are not unfounded, so don’t be fooled. Here’s an iPhone fake from China.

27. Taking about all things “i”, some imitations are not so great. Not sure if I’m more disturbed by the phone here or the scarily accurate depiction of overexcited Apple geeks.

28. Mobile devices are generally getting smaller but not these new smart phones. You probably can’t flaw the slick Apple handset in terms of design, but it is rather large and bulky. Imagine going on a night out with that bulging out from your pockets…..actually, maybe not a bad thing after all.

29. Perhaps this guy, who’s trying to sell his old Motorola brick phone will remind you why we want smaller and more compact.

30. After all, you wouldn’t want it to be as small as this ipod micro.

31. Having spent all your Christmas and birthday money on the new device, you probably don’t want to drop it intro a blender…

32. There have been many tests on the iPhone, but have you ever wondered what would happen if you froze it? Okay, we haven’t exactly had very cold winters recently, but say you travel somewhere like the Arctic, what would happen then? Thankfully, these circumstances have been thought of as well.

33. Celebs with iPhones 1: Stephen Fry loves everything Apple ever make, but he doesn't love the iPhone and what does that tell you?

34. Celebs with iPhones 2: Mike Tyson has one.

35. Celebs with iPhones 3: Paris Hilton has one.

36. Celebs with iPhones 4: George Bush has one.

37. The iPhone won't work as a modem for your laptop.

38. They're very dangerous to use on a treadmill – this looks serious….

39. The iPhone doesn't look as good as the mockups did before the actual launch.

40. You can get all the same whizziness from an iPod Touch for about £249, and stick with your cheap phone for calls.

41. It encourages some to start producing music videos like this – let this be a warning to you all.

42. Even worse, the iPhone encourages otherwise sensible technology journalists to sing, and that definitely is not a good thing.

43. The price of the iPhone dropped in the US just three months after launch so all of you who have pre-ordered your phone, may find you’ve paid over the odds in January. Some have even threatened to sue Apple.

44. Have you ever wondered what your iPhone would sound like if it spoke back to you? No, nor have I, but here’s what he may sound like.

45. If you’re amongst the first to buy the iPhone in this country when it launches next month, careful who you show it to because this may happen.

46. Some of you may not even get to sample the iPhone numerous functions because the device fails. This guy is obviously disappointed, but his eyes suggest the flaw may not have been just with his handset.

47. If something goes wrong with your iPhone, you'll be sent an Official iPhone Tool, otherwise known as a paperclip.

48. Why is it that smashing the iPhone seems to be one of the main pastimes of users?. Judging by the kinds of videos posted by iPhone owners, smashing the device seems to be a common pastime – makes you think what it is that motivates them.

49. Here’s another one - not that I get any sense of satisfaction from seeing the iPhone smashed.

50. Finally, even those who are convinced by the iPhone, you may still find yourself accepting it only reluctantly like this guy. Ask yourself, does he really sound happy?

List compiled by Ali Hussain.

The Thrifty 50

From couch sufing to dumping your TV, get rich quick with our ultimate guide to penny pinching...

Entertainment

1. Dump your television – and therefore your license fee – and watch online. Laptops play DVDs and the BBC now puts up episodes of shows such as The Mighty Boosh on its website for a few days after it’s shown on terrestrial.

2. If you missed buying tickets for a then sold-out gig, swerve the ticket touts and check out the website Scarlet Mist. Fans sell on unwanted tickets at cost price rather than putting them on eBay to make a profit. The site does not charge but encourages buyers to make a small donation to charity instead with the money they have saved.

3. Buy Nintendo DS and other games at a second-hand games shop. Saving, accounting for one game per month: £200-plus a year. Even if you buy them new at a supermarket, you'll still save up to £10 per game.

4. For film buffs, the Orange 2 for 1 Wednesday cinema tickets are a must. However, according to Martin Lewis, of MoneySavingExpert.com, you don’t need to be on an Orange contract to take advantage. Simply buy an Orange SIM card. Also, take your own drinks and snacks. Cinemas do not encourage this but they have yet to employ stop and search tactics so it’s a good way to reduce costs.

5. Join your local library, not only can you borrow books for free, often it will have music and films to rent at a reduced rate to the local video store or online supplier.

6. Broaden the way you socialise. Instead of going for the obvious, and potentially pricey, entertainment check out your local council’s website to find out what events it’s organising. Also museums and art galleries often organise free events and talks that can be a lot more fun than you think and a way to meet new people.

Beauty & Fitness

7. It sounds like a bathroom disaster waiting to happen but making your own beauty treatments can actually work and be a lot more fun. First, make sure the ingredients needed for the treatments work out cheaper than shop bought products. Good examples are using coffee sediment as a body scrub and milk as a cleanser – the model Marie Helvin swears by it. The Spa Index website has plenty of recipes.

8. Get free cosmetics. Ayton Online Research recruits volunteers to trial new ranges before they hit the shops. The products have already been declared safe, and are not tested on animals; the companies just want consumer feedback before launch.

9. Make lipstick go further by using a lip brush - not only does it last longer because you apply thinner and more even layers, but also you can get right down to the bottom of the lipstick containers.

10. Don’t throw away nail varnish just because it’s got a bit clotted, simply immerse the bottle up to its neck in a cup full of nearly boiling water for a few minutes, this will make the varnish runny again. And nail varnish is very handy if you get a run in your tights. If the run has not reached the knee yet, then paint over the very top of it and that will stop it ripping any further.

11. People tend to throw away bottles and tubes of expensive products because they think they can’t squeeze any more out. However, if you cut open the bottom with a clean Stanley knife there’s normally enough left for a few more applications.

12. Instead of buying chapsticks, the lanolin normally used for cracked nipples is a good substitute and costs £9.95 for a 56-gram tube. Put it on at night before going to bed and wake up with lovely smooth lips, but you can also decant small amounts into re-usable, travel size containers for use instead of lip balm.

13. Get over your vanity and stop using contact lenses. Wearing glasses saves money on solutions for permanent lenses, but also prevents big bills for disposable ones – a year’s supply of lenses can cost up to £300. Get in one month’s supply of disposable lenses for those special occasions when you don’t want to wear specs.

14. Chuck the gym subscription and get outdoors by joining the Ramblers, or volunteering for environmental projects.

Clothing

15. Before throwing away what at first appear to be worn or broken shoes, take them to a cobblers and see if they can be rescued. A good quality pair of leather shoes can often be re-soled for under £10.

16. Don’t buy clothes that can only be dry cleaned, check the label before you purchase as it’s a waste of money buying a £50 dress that will cost £8 each time it needs cleaning. Also, check that the clothes you are sending to the dry cleaners really do need that service.

17. Get a free wardrobe by organising clothes swap parties, or if you do not fancy the idea of hosting a party go online to the website What’s Mine is Yours. There’s a good mix of vintage items, designer and high street brands that the owner is bored of, as well as plenty of accessories.

18. When it comes to trainers, if your feet are size five or below check the children’s section of sportswear shops. Often they have the same designs, but VAT free, making them cheaper. For the smaller framed, children’s sections are also good for basics including plain t-shirts, socks and tights.

Food

19. Learn how to cook in bulk, therefore cutting out expensive ready meals. A Thai chicken curry with at least four servings can cost as little as £5 to make. Freeze the other three servings for later use. The same goes for stews, chillies and pasta sauces, all cheap to make in bulk quantities that can then be frozen in individual portions.

20. The obvious one, but worth repeating, is to bring your own sandwiches to work. Even a plain cheese sandwich from a supermarket can cost £1.50, for 50p more you can make a week’s worth.

21. Don’t be afraid of the money off shelf in supermarkets - buy fresh food, meat or fish near it's expiry date at a reduced price, then freeze it.

22. For basic food items, such as tinned tomatoes, kidney beans, rice, pasta etc, buy non-branded. There’s very little in the taste when mixed into a curry or chilli.

23. Watch out for Buy One Get One Free deals on non-perishable goods like toothpaste, toilet rolls and stock up as much as you can, budget permitting. This is especially cost effective for the average family who will get through many of these items in one month.

24. Get a teapot! When making a round of tea instead of putting a tea bag into each cup put two in a pot and let it brew for five minutes. The tea will be just as strong as if you had used one bag per cup.

25. Grow your own food. You don’t need an allotment to grow a few staple vegetables and herbs, just enough outside space to house some reasonably sized planters.

26. If you do buy fresh herbs and find it hard to get through a whole bunch, instead of throwing what’s left away make frozen stock cubes. Finely chop the herbs, put them in an ice cube tray and cover with oil. Put the tray in the freezer. When frozen, pop out the cubes and place them in a freezer bag for easier storage. Next time you need herbs for soups; pastas, etc. add a cube to your recipe and warm.

27. Last night’s meal can make a great tomorrow’s lunch by using the left over vegetables as ingredients. The Frugal Cook and Teri’s Kitchen both provide some excellent recipes.

28. Shoppers are often dismissive of money off coupons, but even if they wipe just £2 off the weekly shop, over a few months you will have saved enough to pay a bill.

29. Make the effort to find a green grocers or market to buy fruit and vegetables from rather than supermarkets - it can be up to 50 per cent cheaper and it doesn’t come in loads of unnecessary packaging.

30. Using pans with lids reduces cooking time, therefore reduces energy consumption. Also, turn the gas/electricity off ten minutes before you normally would, the heat from the stovetop will finish off cooking the food.

31. Instead of buying special freezer bags – simply re-use the plastic bags that bread or fruit come in. The same goes for Tupperware – just wash out the plastic pots that formerly housed soup, yogurt etc.

Transport & holidays

32. The most economical, and environmentally friendly, form of transport is a bike. But, if you can’t or are unwilling to give up your car then learn the basics about engines, so you don’t waste money taking it to the garage to have sparkplugs changed. Also, keep the tyres in good condition as this helps reduce fuel consumption.

33. When taking your car for an MOT use a local council test centre rather than a private garage. The council centres do not offer repairs and therefore have no vested interest in failing your motor. Contact your local council for details of your nearest centre.

34. If you use public transport to travel to work check if you’re employer runs a season ticket loan scheme. Often you can borrow the lump sum needed for a season ticket, with repayments coming out of your salary with no interest charged.

35. Making your own sandwiches and flasks of hot drinks for train journeys is the best way to save money when travelling, but should you forget or not have time then the next best thing is to apply for a Bite card which gives a 20 per cent discount on food bought at stations.

36. Be a bit more adventurous with your holidays and save money at the same time. Instead of booking a hotel, sign up to a hospitality exchange websites, such as CouchSurfing.com and HospitalityClub.org, that allow members to offer a few nights accommodation on a spare bed or sofa. All users have a profile page stating what they can offer and when, with information on themselves and comments – de facto references – from other members.

37. See if upgrading your bank account can help cancel out the cost of travel insurance. Many of the big banks encourage customers to upgrade, at a small charge, by offering incentives such as free holiday and mobile phone insurance, as well as discounts on theatre and gig tickets. For example, Royal Bank of Scotland’s Royalties Gold account costs £12 per month but included is free annual travel insurance for customers and their partners, mobile phone insurance, ticket discounts, holiday and flight discounts and id theft cover.

General Expenses

38. Get cashback on your internet purchases through the website Quidco. It gives between 5 and 20 per cent back on every transaction you make through its site, and if you’re making big purchases like car insurance, it does add up.

39. Check whether it’s cheaper to buy medicine over the counter rather than putting in a prescription. Many commonly prescribed medications, including painkillers, allergy tablets and dermatology creams, are also available over the counter without prescription. Often it's much cheaper just to buy them this way, rather than paying the £6.85 flat prescription charge.

40. Cut down on the number of magazines you buy by organising a magazine share with work colleagues. Everyone agrees to buy one favourite title each month, and when finished with brought in for others to read. This also works with books.

41. Get a piggy bank for all your 1, 2 and 5p pieces. If ever you get any in your change, when you empty out your pockets automatically put the shrapnel in there. Amazing how quickly they add up and many supermarkets have change machines that will swap the coins for notes for a small charge.

42. Re-gifting is a good way to pass on an unwanted present and save cash. Next time you’re given a gift that is not to your taste, simply smile, say thank you and store it in a cupboard. It may seem mean, but it’s better to hand the item to someone else (obviously not in the same friendship group or family) then leave it gathering dust.

43. Trade your skills. Need a bit of plastering done but don’t want to pay out large amounts of cash? Well find out if there’s a plasterer who needs your skills and swap jobs. The website Team Up Here is a good way to network.

44. The idea of swapping skills is a good one to apply to weddings. Instead of asking for presents, ask friends and family to contribute their time or talent by helping to organise elements of the wedding. For example, instead of ordering expensive table decorations and party favourites, get friends to assemble them. Are any of your friends in a band, or can DJ? Then get them to be the entertainment. It can even be as simple as asking people to bring a cake with them so that you don’t have to provide desert.

45. Use common sense when using a credit card – would it be cheaper to pay for the item with cash? Credit cards can be useful for big purchases that you can’t afford to pay for in one go, but do you really need to put a £20 pair of shoes on a card? By putting many smallish items on a card, soon it amounts to a big bill for which you are then charged interest.

Home

46. When it comes to energy bills, you can save a surprising amount by insulating your loft, using energy saving lightbulbs and putting down draught excluders. Look at the Energy Saving Trust's website.

47. Before buying a new sofa or bed frame, check out the second-hand options. There’s the free cycle website but also seek out charity shops that sell furniture and salvage yards for building materials.

48. Think about where you’re renting. These days many homeowners are looking to rent a spare room to help with the mortgage and it can work out cheaper than going through an agency. Also, consider the different types of accommodation on offer. Going for the popular Victorian conversion will mean you pay a premium price. However, if you are more flexible, renting a room on a canal boat, in a former council property or accommodation above a shop, can help reduce costs.

49. If you do have a spare room, want some spare cash but don’t want a lodger under your feet then take a look at the Monday to Friday renting agency. The agency specialises in matching homeowners with lodgers who only need a bed during the week.

50. Save money on computer software by going through the OpenOffice website rather than purchasing Microsoft’s version. Open Office is a free, professional open-source downloadable office suite of programs, including writer, calc, impress, draw and base, which are the equivalents of Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Paint and Access. And it is all compatible with documents written and drawn up with the main Microsoft Office programs.

Ten shares that went from hero to zero

After bringing you the shares that could have made you a millionaire, Times Money takes a look at some stocks that did the exact opposite.

These are the companies that destroyed wealth at a fantastic rate: the heroes that went to zero.

1. Maxwell Communication Corporation.

During the late 1980s and early 1990s this company, formerly known as BPCC, was one of the world's largest media groups. But the sudden and mysterious death of Robert Maxwell, its founder and chairman, who was found floating near his yacht in November 1991, triggered an examination of the company's finances, which were found to be in a disastrous state. It turned out that the company was insolvent and did not have enough money to repay its creditors, let alone shareholders.

The fall and rise of Robert Maxwell, 1983

2. Polly Peck.

Asil Nadir, a flamboyant Turkish Cypriot entrepreneur, took a controlling stake in the former textile company in 1980. Over the next 10 years he built up a conglomerate that was worth £1.7 billion at its peak, with a hand in everything from fruit and vegetables to electronics.
The alarm bells started ringing in 1990 after the Serious Fraud Office mounted a raid on one of Nadir's companies. The share price collapsed and dealing in Polly Peck shares was suspended in September 1990 and the Polly Peck Group was placed in administration in 1991. Asil Nadir left the UK while still facing charges of theft and false accounting and took refuge in Northern Cyprus.

Tempus: Polly Peck, February 1985

3. Marconi

Formerly known as GEC when it was a pillar of British industry, Marconi moved sharply away from the "safe and steady" route it had taken under the late Lord Weinstock and started to involve itself in more speculative technology investments as the dot.com bubble gathered pace in the late 1990s.

In September 2001 Lord Simpson, Marconi's chief executive, revealed that the company had lost hundreds of millions of pounds in the space of a few months. Marconi shares, worth more than £12 at one point, lost 99 per cent of their previous value, leaving investors virtually penniless.

Obituary: Marconi, master of wireless development, 1937

4. British & Commonwealth

This former stock market star, which encompassed everything from shipping to financial services, was brought down by an unwise acquisition.

In 1988 B&C bought Atlantic Computers, only to find, a year later, that it was leaking money at an alarming rate. Despite writing off more than £550m and putting Atlantic into receivership in 1990, B&C was not able to save itself and threw in the sponge a few months later.

First AGM of the British & Commonwealth Shipping Company Limited, 1956

5. Coloroll

Another casualty of the early 1990s, Coloroll, the furnishings business, had been a beneficiary of the consumer boom of the eighties, but, like B&C, came unstuck partly through an unwise purchase. In this case it was the acquisition of John Crowther, a textile business, in 1988.

The purchase proved costly and this, together with the onset of the recession and the collapse in the housing market at the end of the 1980s, led to Coloroll calling in the receiver in 1990. By a strange coincidence both Coloroll's chairman, John Ashcroft, and B&C's chief executive, John Gunn, had won the Guardian Young Businessman of the Year award.

Flowery future for wallpaper, 1981

6. Enron

The collapse of this US energy giant sent shock waves through America. In just 15 years the company had grown to become the seventh-largest in the US and Kenneth Lay, the company’s chairman, was a personal friend of President Bush. When it filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in December 2001 it triggered a major re-examination of the creative accounting techniques which had enabled it to exaggerate its profits and disguise its debts.

7. Boo.com

A classic victim of the bursting of the dot.com bubble, Boo.com was originally set up to sell fashion clothing over the internet. However after burning up vast amounts of cash and suffering big problems with its website, Boo.com was placed in receivership in May 2000.

8. Northern Rock

This former building society floated as a public company back in 1997. For some years its aggressive business model pleased investors. However, its heavy reliance on funding from the money markets, rather than retail savers, led to a spectacular collapse last year when the credit crunch started to bite.

Its share price plunged from a high of more than £12 to just 90p this February, before trading in the shares was suspended after the Government took the company into temporary private ownership. It is not certain how much money, if any, shareholders will receive in compensation.

Save safe with Northern Rock, 1980

9. Jarvis

The company is involved in building and maintenance work for the rail networks but its profits have been hit hard by cost overruns. Over the past ten years the value of its shares has fallen by 99.8 per cent.

10. Millwall Holdings

"No one likes us - we don't care" is the favoured chant of Millwall supporters, but it might equally be applied to the shares of the football club. The club was floated as a public company back in 1989, with many supporters showing their loyalty by buying a few shares. However their loyalty has not been rewarded. Over the past 10 years the club's shares have fallen in value by 98 per cent.

Millwall level with 30-year-old record, 1966

The 10 most bungled robberies ever

Earlier this year Money Central bought you the 10 most infamous heists. But what about the less successful attempts at robbery? From a pregnant woman in rubber gloves to cousins robbing their family’s post office, there have been many unlikely – and unsuccessful – criminals. Here are Times Money’s top 10 bungled robberies from around the world.

1. “Macclesfield’s dumbest”

England 2008: Mark Ridgeway – a man branded as one of "Macclesfield’s dumbest" burglars by a local police officer – has been the infamous perpetrator of two bungled robberies.

Last year Ridgeway broke into a campsite in Adlington, Lancashire, where his accomplice scribbled his name on the wall for all to see. On that occasion, he was caught by police fleeing while wearing a stolen T-shirt.

The following year, he used a crowbar to break into his mother’s house. But according to the Macclesfield Express: “The brazen burglar paused to steal food and prepare himself a buttie before fleeing with more than £150 cash... leaving incriminating fingerprints everywhere.” Ridgeway later pleaded guilty to the charge of burglary of a dwelling.

2. Bread rolls

Australia 2008: A man and woman in Melbourne were sent to jail earlier this year for the attempted robbery of the Cuckoo restaurant at Olinda - appropriately carried out last April Fool's Day.

Benjamin Jorgensen, 38, stole a bag he thought contained $30,000, but in fact contained only bread rolls. During the hold-up he shot his accomplice, 36-year-old Donna Hayes, in the buttock.

Both pleaded guilty to armed robbery. Victorian County Court Judge Williams told the hearing the robbery was a complete fiasco and the two were a pair of fools.

3. Goodfella wannabes

USA 1992: A mechanic and a security guard from New York decided to rob their local convenience store after being inspired by Goodfellas, the gangster film (pictured above). However, the owner of the store instantly recognised the men, who brandished a BB gun and made off with just $75 before making their getaway in a car belonging to one of the men’s sister. Police waited for the men at their home, where they were arrested after their red Volare drove up containing the $75 loot.

"It wasn't the detective work of the century," acknowledged Detective Kenneth Meyer of the Eighth Precinct.

4. Rubber gloves

USA 2008: Last month a 20-year-old woman was arrested on suspicion of robbing Titusville Credit Union. A woman disguised with a baseball cap, rubber gloves and sunglasses went into the union and attempted a robbery – but police soon caught up with her and she was arrested.

Incredibly, witnesses said that the woman was heavily pregnant and had left a toddler in the car while she allegedly committed the crime.

5. Electric shock

China 2006: The robbery of a power supply office in the Jiangsu Province went horribly wrong for two criminals after one of them decided to urinate on a mains switch on his way out, causing burns and electric shock. A duty officer at the office called police, who took the injured man to hospital and the other into custody.

6. Asda stick up

England 2008: Ryan Eddison, 21, was described in court as a "low level criminal who was completely out of his league" after trying to hold up a security van containing £75,000 at an Asda store in Rawtenstall, Lancashire.

In full view of shoppers, the security van driver was able to set off the emergency alarm, which lead to the Eddison and his accomplice fleeing in their stolen getaway car. The vehicle was then torched and abandoned – but the fire went out, leaving the men’s fingerprints in tact. Eddison was sentenced to four years in prison.

7. Keeping it in the family

Scotland 2008: Two cousins who robbed a post office owned by their family were described as “comic” by prosecuters in court. "To rob one's relative's post office in broad daylight in front of numerous witnesses in a small town like Tranent where everyone knew or recognised him almost beggars belief," Simon Collins told the High Court in Edinburgh.

The men had pounced on the post office’s security guard one morning, as he was delivering £20,000 of Sterling and Euro banknotes to the shop. But they did not realise a nearby resident had spotted them donning their balaclavas and had alerted police. The pair were later caught and jailed for a total of seven and a half years.

8. Black wig

USA 2008: At least the perpetrator of this failed robbery attempted to disguise himself. Huy Trong Luong, 39, of Jersey City, donned a black wig, sunglasses, a black Dolce & Golbana hat, women's make-up and a black jacket for a series of bank robberies – seven of which were successful.

He was eventually caught after a bungled attempt to rob a bank in Chatham, when police pulled over his getaway minivan to discover the offending disguise on the backseat.

9. “Hand the muny over”

Scotland 2006: A man who robbed a Glasgow bookmakers with a plastic bottle in a rolled-up newspaper committed a "a particularly ill-thought out" offence, his defending lawyer admitted in court.

Jason Kelly targeted the bookies in an area where he was well known. After handing over a note to the cashier with the words "Hand the muny over. Theel be no trouble," he walked away with £450 before being caught moments later in a nearby street, with the money in his pocket.

10. Drug loot

US 2008: A Californian couple rang the police to report that they had been robbed at gunpoint in their own home. When the police asked what was stolen the pair listed 65 marijuana plants, nearly three kilos of the drug itself and a shotgun. Unsurprisingly, the couple, who had three outstanding warrants, were arrested.

The 50 weirdest terms of financial jargon – and what they actually mean

Flummoxed by front-end loading? Bamboozled by bridging? Don’t know if your cap is split or your asset orphaned?

Here is Times Money’s alternative guide, for anyone who blushes at the mention of cum-dividends, or thinks churning is something that only happens to dairy products.

1. AER – Annual Equivalent Rate refers to the actual rate of interest you will receive on savings and current accounts after a year. It is different to the gross rate because the AER takes into account how frequently the interest is applied. Daily is better than monthly, because of the effects of compounding. It is useful to know, because most accounts have a bonus rate for a few months, which is later replaced by more bog-standard rewards.

2. Amortisation – It sounds like something to do with death, and in fact, it is. It is to do with the depreciation of intangible assets, or alternatively, the process by which the decrease in value of an asset is calculated, ie. The intangible bit is important. Tangible assets, like Volvos, depreciate. Intangible assets, like a patent or brand, amortise.

3. Annuity – Not something that young people need to worry about, but anyone approaching or already in retirement definitely needs to care about these, because they will have to buy one. Annuities are Government-enforced income plans that you must buy with your pension to provide you with an income. They are enforced because people over a certain age cannot be trusted not to squander their retirement pots in one go, on things like round the world cruises or expensive drumkits. The Government doesn’t want this to happen because it would then be forced to pay out more state pension money.

4. APR – like AER, only it means the amount of interest you will pay on mortgages, loans and credit cards. You want a nice a low one. Mortgage lenders will quote a headline interest rate which lasts for a set time period, then a (usually much higher) APR, which is what you would pay if you stayed on that mortgage for the full term. If you thought that only dullards did not know what an APR was, note that 71 per cent of 16-18 year olds recently questioned thought that a high APR was a good attribute on a credit card. This does not necessarily disprove the point.

5. Bear – Not the grizzly kind. A way of describing the stock market or an attitude towards the economic outlook. Describing someone as bearish does not mean they are large and hairy, it means that they have a cautious and conservative outlook, and are more inclined to be pessimistic. A bear market is characterised by falling share prices and poor returns. Bear times are bad times.

6. Beta - Inexplicably, beta, in the finance world, measures the volatility of a share relative to other markets and is nothing to do with them being second rate, as Greek etymologists might assume. Something that has a beta of more than 1 is more volatile than other shares in the index, while something with a beta less than 1 is considered relatively stable. Risk-takers like betas. Buying a beta is the stock-market equivalent of magic mushrooms - you never know whether you will end up higher or lower.

7. Bonds Bonds is a restaurant in the heart of the City of London where top bankers meet, as well as a famous Australian underwear manufacturer. The term also refers to something altogether less exciting, a type of investment where the investor lends money to a company for a period of more than one year that is then repaid at a specified time, with interest. If it helps: Bonds are good, ie James Bond, but bills are bad, ie. Bill Clinton, an economics teacher once said. Bonds are not always good, however. They are safer than buying shares, but they do not have the potential to make you higher returns. They are for people who do not like surprises.

8. Bridging – A bridge is a structure spanning and providing passage over a gap or barrier, such as a river or roadway. It is also the upper bony ridge of the human nose. In finance however, bridging is a type of loan that provides short-term funding before long-term funding is secure. This could be particularly relevant if you are building your own house or setting up a business because this is what lenders are likely to offer if they don’t trust you completely, but think you might be on to something.

9. Bull - The opposite of bear. A bull market is strong, aggressive and opportunistic. Being bullish in the City is a good thing. It basically means optimistic about the outlook.

10. CAT – Short for catastrophe bond. These are issued by insurance companies to raise finance in the event of a catastrophe. Dead cats can also be bounced, according to stock market investors (see below).

11. Churning – Anchor butter does it to milk, but in finance, this refers to a fairly mercenary practice by stockbrokers and IFAs, whereby they buy and sell stocks for clients in large volumes frequently to make more money in commission. In business, a churn rate also refers to the attrition of customers. A high churn rate therefore means lots of new business coming in and going out, while a low one means customers stay put.

12. Compound Interest – There is no better illustration of the benefits of compound interest, which basically means earning interest on interest already paid, than here

13. Cum dividend – The word is latin for “with”, hence cum-dividend, benignly, relates to a share sale made close to the time that the dividend is due to be paid out that will still be eligible for the dividend. Nice if you can get it.

14. Dead cat bounce – Don't call the RSPCA, the bounce refers to a stock market phenomenon, where a temporary recovery in the market follows a long and pronounced period of decline. What this has to do with dead cats is unclear.

15. Endowment – If your mortgage broker says you are well-endowed, don’t slap him across the face straight away – he could be commenting on the performance of your mortgage investment vehicle. Endowments are investments that were originally sold alongside mortgages that are designed to grow in value by enough over the period to pay off the loan. They also provide some life insurance cover to the holder. However, endowments have a black mark against them, after a big misselling scandal left many homeowners without enough to pay off their mortgage.

16. Equity – another way of saying value, for instance, of a home or share. With homes, it relates to only that part which represents debt-free value. It also means impartial and fair, although these attributes do not necessarily apply.

17. Ex-dividend – Not a perk of divorce, a share sold ex-dividend means that the buyer is not entitled to any recent dividend payments on the share and has to wait until next time around. Thus, shares sold ex-dividend are often a bit cheaper than their cum-dividend cousins.

18. Front-end loading – In a lad’s mag, this could mean all sorts of things that have no place in a financial glossary. What it actually refers to, however, is the fee that advisers lump onto a mutual fund or insurance policy at the time they sell it to you, meaning you end up with a smaller investment at the beginning. Advisers argue it is the cost of their expertise, but the jury is very much out about whether loading is a good thing.

19. Future – Buying a future means entering into a contract to buy an asset at a certain time at its future selling price. It’s a bit of a gamble, since no one knows what that future price will be. Future traders would find one of these useful.

20. Gearing – It sounds like something Jeremy Clarkson might talk about, but it is actually just another word to describe borrowing. However with gearing, the borrowing is done expressly for the purpose of investing more. Investment trusts gear, for example.

21. Gilt – Gold-edging is not just an interior design feature. A gilt is also another word for a Government bond, also known as a risk-free bond, because when you are the Government and you owe people cash when their bonds mature, you can just print more.

22. Gross – Can describe slugs, eels and ugly people kissing. It also means amount received before tax is paid. For instance, your gross income will always be startlingly higher than your net income – by around 30 per cent in the UK according to one study. Much better to live in Dubai, where net income is only 5 per cent lower than gross, on average. Same applies to gross interest.

23. Hedging – Nothing to do with green leafy boundaries and everything to do with funds and betting. Hedging means taking two positions that will offset each other if prices change and so limiting financial risk. In Roulette, the ultimate hedge bet is putting your money on both red and black, however this is pointless and bound to lose half your money. Hedge fund managers are far more clever than that.

24. Illiquid – On the liquidity scale, think of cash as water and things like houses as rocks. Liquid assets are those which can be accessed easily to buy other things, Illiquid assets are harder to turn into ready money than things like cash and cheques.

25. Intestacy – A mistake Paul McCartney would definitely not have made. This means dying without a will, and is a big no-no for anyone with rich with a big family who do not get on. If you die intestate, then everything automatically goes to the next of kin, which can obviously cause major family rifts if the next of kin is a loathed step-mother or sibling.

26. Junk bond – These offer high interest but are high risk. The lyrics to this song should help you remember.

27. Leverage – A word that will provoke a wince from investment bankers right now, leveraging is the main reason that banks across the world are in so much trouble. It means borrowing to complete a transaction. Private equity houses do a lot of it when they buy out a company. The problem now is that since the credit crunch, no one trusts anyone to pay back the money they borrow. The general view is that too much leveraging has been going on and that banks are now at risk.

28. Liabilities – People running around with scissors, Britney Spears, and also debts. A liability is anything you owe to someone else. If you are in debt, the phrase “I have a few liabilities” sounds less controversial, if a bit silly.

29. LTV – If mortgage lenders owned their own Sky channel, this is what they would call it. It means loan-to-value, and is the maximum proportion of a property’s value that a lender is willing to lend on. High LTVs are for people who have not saved up much, and come with higher interest rates. Low LTVs come with much lower rates, but require big deposits of 30 per cent of the property’s value. A real headache for first-time buyers. It looks like mortgage TV is only one step away.

30. Margin – This is the difference between costs and revenue and basically means the amount of profit. Obviously, you want a nice big one, like him.

31. Mutual – Is a lovely word that conjures up all sorts of feelings of warmth and reciprocity, which is arguably why building societies, which are mutual, are apparently so well liked. A mutual company does not have shareholders. Instead, it shares out profits between its customers, or “members”. If you couldn't care less about mutual values, what you want is a demutualisation. This gives you a taste of what it must feel like to win the lottery, because you could get a nice big cash windfall.

32. NAV – Nothing to do with Satellite Navigation systems or these boys, a NAV is the Net Asset Value of a mutual fund share. This is calculated by subtracting a mutual fund’s liabilities from its assets.

33. Negative equity – Lots of people who took out mortgages for 100 per cent or more of the value of their properties are in danger of this, which translates as losing money on your house. During times when house prices are falling, more homeowners are at risk of this. So expect to hear lots about negative equity in coming months then, if this forecast comes true.

34. Net – simply means amount of money left after tax is paid. Usually looks pitiful when compared with your gross salary.

35. Nominal – means a value not adjusted to take account of inflation. Inflation is pretty high at the moment, and looks set to carry on rising, so nominal values should basically be ignored, as they might lead you to think that something is worth more than it actually is.

36. OEIC - pronounced OIK, like the word that tweedy men use to describe teenagers who play music on their iPods loudly in public. OEIC stands for an Open-ended investment company, which invests in other companies. It is open-ended because it can increase or decrease the amount of shares in issue at will.

37. Option – Unimaginatively titled, an option is a contract that gives a share buyer the right to buy or sell a stock at a given price until a specific date. Yet another way of making the stock market more interesting and lucrative. Do you ever get the feeling that city boys just make stuff up as they go along?

38. Orphan - The rather tragically-named orphan assets are so-called because they are the unclaimed pots of cash built up by with-profits funds, to which no-one is really entitled. What to do with these assets has become the subject of controversy. Can companies hold on to them to boost balance sheets or should they divide the spoils between policyholders and shareholders?

39. PEP – This stands for Personal Equity Plan. They are the O-levels of the tax efficient investment world - you can’t get them anymore – they were replaced by Isas in 1999, but some people still have them. Like Isas, they were designed as a tax-efficient way of investing in the stock market.

40. Preference – We all have them, but in finance, a preference is naturally more complicated than, say, favouring tea over coffee. A preference share is one which pays a fixed rate of interest. So, like insurance, it is only actually preferential in the bad times. They are lower risk than normal shares because if a company goes bust, then preference shareholders will be at the front of the queue for payouts. Good news, if you have preferential shares in Northern Rock, perhaps. But this rarely happens. On the downside, if a company does well, preference shareholders will not benefit as much as normal ones, who will receive bigger returns.

41. Price-earnings ratio – a company’s current share price compared to its earnings per share. That obviously still means nothing. So just remember that a high one means investors are expecting higher earnings growth in the future, whereas a low one is more pessimistic. Only compare the PE ratios of companies in the same industry.

42. Redemption – Hedonists and erring Christians seek it, and so do investors who want the money they put in bonds or shares back, thank you very much.

43. Scrip – It sounds cooler than it is. A way of paying something via a means other than money. Scrips are things like gift tokens, points and tickets that act as a subsititute for cash.

44. Sipp – SIPP stands for Self-Invested Personal Pension. In the pensions world, these are sexy. They are the Agent Provocateur lingerie of pensions, compared with other more Spanx-like products, such as stakeholders. This is because they are more flexible, as well as more expensive. They look prettier, because you can put things like your art collection in them. Pension advisers get very excited about these because they can make lots of money from selling them to you, but this doesn’t mean you should. Only those who think Agent Provacateur lingerie is a bargain need apply.

45. Split-cap – Can lead to pregnancy in another context, but investors are more likely to assume you are talking about a type of investment trust that splits capital growth from income. A full definition would take a while, but there is one here. A horrible misselling scandal in 2004 meant that they became as unpopular for a while, but there are reports that they are beginning to regain popularity.

46. Stagging – Where two male deer lock antlers? No. It describes the act of buying a share at its initial public offering price and selling it on immediately for a profit. It is also called flipping. Honestly, who invents these words?

47. Stagflation – The English language just keeps on giving. Stagflation describes an economic period of high inflation, low growth, rising unemployment and recession. The word comes from the marriage of stagnation and inflation, apparently. Expect to hear this word more often from taxi drivers and economists when debating whether the Bank of England should cut interest rates.

48. Serps – Not a sexually transmitted disease, SERPs was the State Earnings Related Pension Scheme set up provide a second pension income, on top of the basic state pension, for people who did not have occupational schemes. The system has now been replaced by the State Second Pension, or S2P, which is the Government’s way of making pension savings sound cool. Unfortunately however, it sounds too much like Y2K – the millennium computer bug that sparked fears of Armageddon, to ever go down well.

49. Underwriter – A company that stumps up the money behind insurance policies. These people have extraordinary power in society, because they can work out things like when you are likely to die.

50. Wind-up – It means something else to humourists, and Jeremy Beadle. In the world of money, it means when a company ceases activity with a view to shutting down altogether. It can also refer to a way of ending a pension scheme, or a relationship, if you want to dump someone: "I'd like to wind things up with you", should do the trick, or alternatively, do what this guy did. It's time to do that here too.

The 10 home improvements that add most value

Are you thinking of building an extension or buying a new kitchen to help boost the value of your home? Well, you better think again. Research published this week suggests the vast majority of home improvements are now unlikely to add more value to your home than the cost of the upgrade in the first place. The study by Abbey, which questioned 100 estate agents, indicates that the only financially worthwhile home improvement is a lick of paint.

Here is the cost of 10 common home improvements and the value that they will add.

Type of home improvement	Average value added	Average cost of improvement	Net value added
Extension	£13,568	£33,800	-£23,232
New kitchen	£4,894	£18,700	-£13,806
Conservatory	£6,236	£20,000	-£13,764
Solar panels	£1,028	£12,500	-£11,472
Loft conversion	£13,038	£22,600	-£9,562
Garage	£7,971	£14,000	-£6,029
New bathroom	£2,892	£7,700	-£4,808
New windows	£3,092	£6,700	-£3,608
Landscape garden	£2,060	£2,500	-£440
Painting and decorating	£3,557	£1,330	+£2,227

The world's 10 wealthiest politicians

If you have been sickened by media mentions of Lord Mandelson's £2.4 million townhouse and £1 million European Union pay-off, consider that his wealth is nothing compared to the fortunes of really wealthy politicians. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger's hundreds of millions do not make our list...

1 Suleiman Kerimov - $17.5 billion

The far-right Russian senator from Dagestan struck it rich as a stakeholder in Gazprom, Russia's gas export company, and Sberbank, Eastern Europe's largest bank. Kerimov, 42, made news in 2006 when he was seriously injured after losing control of his Ferrari on the Promenade des Anglais in Nice. His passenger, Playboy covergirl Tina Kandelaki, suffered minor injuries

2 Michael Bloomberg - $11.5 billion

The 66-year-old independent mayor of New York City made his billions from sales of stockmarket-tracking systems and later the Bloomberg newswire and related services after he was fired from Salomon Brothers, the investment bank, with a $10 million severance package in 1981. He has donated more than $1.4 billion to good causes and draws $1 a year for his work as mayor

3 Serge Dassault - $9.9 billion

The French aviation mogul is a member of Nicolas Sarkozy's UMP party, a senator, and mayor of Corbeil-Essonnes in Paris. He inherited Groupe Dassault from his father Marcel, who was deported to Buchenwald concentration camp in 1944 for his refusal to collaborate with the Nazis. In 1998, Dassault Jr. was given a two-year suspended sentence for corruption in the Agusta scandal

4 Silvio Berlusconi - $9.4 billion

Italy's larger-than-life prime minister (pictured, above) is weathering the crunch well - reportedly purchasing a 30-room neo-classical villa on Lake Maggiore and doubling the size of his Villa San Martino outside Milan. The super-magnate, who owns much of the country's media and AC Milan football club, laid the foundations of his fortune as a property developer during the late 1960s

5 Aburizal Bakri - $9.2 billion

The chief welfare minister of Indonesia inherited control of the vast Bakrie Group from his father, a partisan of Suharto. He ran into controversy in 2006 when drilling by a Bakrie-controlled oil and gas outfit allegedly triggered a mudslide which displaced thousands. He has been branded the "national avatar of government by conflict of interest" in the Asia-Pacific Journal: Japan Focus

6 Rinat Akhmetov - $7.3 billion

A member of parliament for Ukraine's opposition, Rinat Akhmetov is also his country's wealthiest tycoon, with a massive coal and steel empire. Last year he founded the Foundation for Effective Governance to support economic development in Ukraine, counting Shimon Peres, the Nobel Laureate, and Hernando de Soto, the Peruvian economist, among speakers at its launch

7 Andrei Molchanov - $4 billion

The 37-year-old construction baron is a member of Russia's upper house and the adopted son of Yury Molchanov, deputy governor of St Petersburg - himself a former university colleague of Vladimir Putin. In 2005, Molchanov Jr.'s company LSR Group controversially demolished a fine 18th century barracks in St Petersburg, after it was quietly de-listed by the city authorities

8 Gleb Fetisov - $3.9 billion

The third Russian senator on our list built his fortune trading commodities in the vast Alfa Group and remains a stakeholder in Altimo, Alfa's telcoms holding company. The latter is set for "aggressive" expansion in developing markets in Asia, such as Iran and Afghanistan. Holding a doctorate in economics from Moscow State University, Fetisov maintains a low media profile

9 Kostyantin Zhevago - $3.4 billion

A member of Ukraine's parliament and aide to prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, the 34-year-old oligarch began his career as finance director of the bank Finance & Credit at 19. He has since acquired a control of the latter's holding company and plans to take the bank public by 2010. Last week, Zhevago was forced to sell 20 per cent of his mining venture Ferrexpo to clear a loan from JP Morgan

10 Saad Hariri - $3.3 billion

The son and political heir of assassinated Lebanese prime minister Rafik Hariri leads the Future Movement parliamentary majority in Beirut and heads Saudi Oger, the family's Riyadh-based construction, banking and telecoms empire. The graduate of Georgetown University in Washington DC lives amid ultra-tight security and is said to enjoy Cuban cigars and scuba diving

EXTRA: Three super-rich politicians who don't make the list...

Arnold Schwarzenegger - $200 million-plus

Hank Paulson - $700 million-plus

John Kerry - $230 million-plus

The 10 most decadent dictators

A revolving gold statue, pink champagne and a "Pleasure Brigade" of nubile retainers all feature in Times Money's list of history's most decadent dictators. While their people suffered, these men - and sometimes their wives and children - agonised over how best to spend their ill-gotten gains...

1. Kim Jong-il, "Dear Leader" of North Korea since 1994. The son of the communist state's "Great Leader", Kim Jong-il has super-expensive tastes, with 17 palaces and collections of hundreds of cars and about 20,000 video tapes. On one state visit to Russia, he reportedly had live lobsters airlifted daily to his armoured private train. He is believed to spend around $650,000 a year on Hennessy VSOP cognac and maintains an entourage of young lovelies known as the "Pleasure Brigade"

2. Ferdinand Marcos, President of the Philippines, 1965 - 1986. The Second World War freedom-fighter turned kleptocrat secreted billions of dollars in overseas accounts. His wife Imelda, however, was the big spender, leaving 888 handbags and 1060 pairs of shoes in the Malacanang presidential palace when the family fled mob justice after Marcos was deposed. Her pricier purchases included the $51 million Crown Building and $61 million Herald Centre in New York and art by Michelangelo and Botticelli

3. Nicolae Ceausescu, President of Romania, 1967 - 1989. The "Genius of the Carpathians" was congratulated (by telegram) by Salvador Dali on his excesses, which included his use of a kingly sceptre. Despite an official salary of just $3,000, he found the cash for 15 palaces, a superb car collection, yachts, fine art and bespoke suits. Tens of thousands of homes were demolished to make space for his 1,100-room, 480-chandelier Palace of the Parliament in the capital, Bucharest

4. Saparmurat Niyazov, President of Turkmenistan, 1990 - 2006. The President for Life and "Turkmenbashi", or Father of all Turkmen, was at the centre of an awesome cult of personality. His vanity projects included a £6 million revolving gold-plated statue of himself in the country's capital, Ashgabat. He shifted around £3 billion to overseas accounts, renamed the month of January (after himself), banned beards and ordered that his musings be displayed alongside the Koran in mosques

5. Idi Amin, President of Uganda, 1971 - 1979. The "Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea", "Emperor of Uganda" and "King of Scotland" awarded himself the VC, or Victorious Cross, and CBE, or Conqueror of the British Empire. He also spent millions on a super-lavish lifestyle - maintaining a reported 30 mistresses as well as five wives and fathering at least 43 children. A typically mad-capped project was the creation of a personal bodyguard of bagpipe-playing 6ft 4in Scotsmen

6. Joseph Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, 1922 - 1953. The "Gardener of Human Happiness" and "Brilliant Genius of Humanity" was celebrated in his lifetime in thousands of stylised statues and monuments erected across the Soviet Union - many of which were moved or destroyed in later "de-Stalinisation" drives. He also had a taste for palaces, booze and cigars and preferred to travel by armour-plated private train with a Tsarist-style entourage

7. Mohammed Reza Pahlavi, Shah of Persia, 1941 - 1979. The "King of Kings" and "Sun of the Aryans" spent a reported $100 million on celebrations for the 2,500th anniversary of the Persian monarchy in 1971, serving breast of peacock on Limoges china to dignitaries in a 160-acre tent city at Persepolis - close to poor villages. His superb collection of sports cars can be seen at the National Car Museum of Iran, alongside custom models by Mercedes-Benz and Porsche for his son, the Crown Prince

8. Saddam Hussein, President of Iraq, 1979 - 2003. The Baathist leader with a fondness for gold-plated bathroom fittings, and Kalashnikovs, rebuilt Babylon on kitsch rather than authentic lines, stamping each brick of the "reconstruction" with his own name in the manner of Nubachadnezzar, the ancient Babylonian king and conqueror of Jerusalem. His playboy eldest son Uday, meanwhile, kept a private zoo with lions and cheetahs at his Baghdad residence and owned a collection of 1,200 luxury cars

9. Mobutu Sese Soku, President of Zaire, 1965 - 1997. Siphoning his country's wealth into Swiss bank accounts was a speciality of the "All-Powerful Warrior", whose personal fortune was estimated at $5 billion in 1984 - then equivalent to Zaire's national debt. Mobutu's extravagances included palaces and pink champagne, yachts and shopping trips to Paris by chartered Concorde. His second wife Bobi Ladawa rivalled Imelda Marcos as a compulsive spender - with a reported 1,000-dress wardrobe

10. Suharto, President of Indonesia, 1967 - 1998. The former bank clerk embezzled more money than any other leader in history, according to Transparency International. In 1999, Time Asia put his family's wealth at $15 billion. Playboy son "Tommy" was the biggest-profile spender - lavishing money on cars and clothes and buying a majority stake in Lamborghini before a conviction for murder in 2002. Suharto's daughter "Tutut", meanwhile, spent $100,000 on one shopping flight to the US

The 10 most stupid taxes... ever

Gordon Brown may have admitted recently that the 10 pence tax fiasco was a “mistake” that “stung” him, but such tax blunders are certainly nothing new. From the window tax of the 18th Century to the Poll tax of the 20th Century, history is littered with examples of bizarre, ill-thought out, rash, excessive or just plain stupid taxes. Sometimes governments just don't know best.

Here are Times Money’s top 10 most stupid taxes... ever.

1. Early 1000s: Heregeld

Lady Godiva's legendary ride naked through Coventry was perhaps one of the most effective anti-tax demonstrations in history. Her tyrannical husband, Earl Leofric, had imposed an oppressive tax called the Heregeld to pay for the King’s bodyguard.

After pleading with him to repeal the tax, Leofric replied: "You will have to ride naked through Coventry before I will change my ways". So Godiva took him at his word – after ordering the town to close all their windows and doors, she rode through the town with only her long golden hair as her cover. True to his word, Godiva’s husband repealed the hated tax.

2. 1773: Colonial taxes

The Boston Tea party was not a party, but a demonstration against the unfair taxation of colonies. The British Government gave the British East India Company, an English trade company, far more beneficial tax arrangements than its colonial competitors.

Demonstrators in Boston became particularly fed-up with this, and one night a group of protestors sneaked onboard a docked British East India Company ship and unloaded 45 tons of tea (worth an estimated £10,000 - that is about £953,000 today) into the sea. The event ultimately helped spark the American Revolution and the loss of America to the British Empire.

3. 1696: Window tax

Ever wondered why some old or listed buildings have their windows bricked up? When William III reigned, a new tax was imposed on houses with more than six windows to help pay for the wars in Ireland and on the continent. Homeowners with bricked up windows would have undoubtedly suffered dark rooms and poor ventilation but many considered that preferable to paying up. The tax was not repealed for 51 years.

4. 1995: Illegal drug tax (USA)

On January 1 2005, Tennessee joined 23 other states in imposing a tax for possession of illegal drugs. People who bought drugs had 48 hours to approach the Department of Revenue and pay tax. It was levied per gram - $3.50 for marijuana, $50 for cocaine, and $200 for meth and crack cocaine.

Drug buyers did not need to provide identification to pay the tax and it was illegal for revenue employees to report them. In just 18 months, Tennessee has collected nearly $2.7 million in revenue – although it is thought this came mainly from drug users who were arrested and found not to have paid the tax.

In July 2006, a judge decided the tax was unconstitutional and it was scrapped.

5. 1988: Removal of Mortgage Interest Relief

This was partly precipitated by a blunder by the then Chancellor, Nigel Lawson. In his budget, he announced that in less than five months time, he was ending double mortgage interest tax relief, which was a major subsidy to mortgage borrowers at the time.

This led to a surge of people buying a home to take advantage of the tax relief. One year later and interest rates had almost doubled to 15 per cent, crippling homeowners and leaving many facing repossession.

6. Late 1970s: The 98 per cent tax rate

During this period there was a 60 per cent top rate income tax and then an "investment income surcharge" of a further 15 per cent. There was no incentive to increase profits because virtually everything was taxed. It led to high levels of non-compliance and lots of avoidance, and was abolished by Nigel Lawson in 1984.

7. 1689: Tax incentives for gin production

Anyone familiar with Hogarth’s engraving, Gin Lane, will understand the implications of this tax blunder. William and Mary, the protestant monarchs who ruled between 1689 and 1702, discouraged the importation of brandy from the Catholic French and instead promoted the local production of gin by abolishing taxes and licensing fees.

Unfortunately, the affordability of gin made it a favourite drink of the poor, and soon lead to mass drunkenness, vice and poverty. Government attempts to reintroduce the tax only lead to a proliferation in the making of illegal - cheap and poor quality – gin. Finally, in 1751, the Tippling Act allowed for reasonable prices, taxes and regulation of production.

8. 1700s: Scottish whiskey tax

The Scottish government applied ever increasing rates of taxation on malt and whiskey in the early eighteenth century. Distillers were driven underground, making smuggling a standard practice for 150 years.

By 1777 only eight licensed distilleries were paying taxes, while 400 unregistered stills were thought to operate within Edinburgh alone. By the 1820's around 14,000 illicit stills were being confiscated every year - suggesting more than half the whisky consumed in Scotland was “illegal”. Finally, in 1823 the Excise Act was passed, which sanctioned the distilling of whisky in return for a license fee of £10. Smuggling died out almost completely over the next 100 years.

9. 1990: Poll tax

This hated tax, set by local authorities, ended up being much more expensive than first thought – and eventually up to 30 per cent of people in some areas refused to pay. This culminated in the poll tax riots – 200,000 protestors attended Trafalgar Square on March 31 1990 – and ultimately to the downfall of Margaret Thatcher. It was replaced by council tax in 1993.

10. 1783: Hat tax

Prime Minister William Pitt added an excise duty to hats in 1783, costing retailers £2 a year in London and 5 shillings in the country. Duty was collected by means of a stamped ticket fixed to the lining of the hat.

A national debate ensued about what forms of headgear were classed as a "hat" – so in 1804 the statutory definitions were recast to include every description of hat by whatever name it was known, and almost every material from which it could be made. It wasn't until 1811 that the tax was repealed.

List compiled by Lauren Thompson with thanks to Andrew Jupp and George Bull